Language convinience..

After I started blogging there is this thread running at the background of my mind as I go through my day and noting to myself "oh I have to blog this.." but lack of time to properly sit down and type the contents hit me on the face and by the time I get around or force myself to post something I lose the steam of what I initially had in my mind.Last week I volunteered for book reading at Sandhya's class. Public school system here encourages high parental involvement and with my work and commute I was never able to do it to my satisfaction, and so when they called for this book reading thing I was only eager to participate. I made her choose a book from home which I can read for a group of kids from her class. Sandhya was part of the first group that came to me. She was prmptly showing off to other kids "hey-my-mom-is-here" excitement chatting non-stop, talking about the book, about me and what not. After a while it was getting uncontrollable..she was laughing too loud and interrupting me constantly which made other kids to also distract and I at the other end smiling and telling her nicely to stop so I can go ahead with reading with all the patience I had. At one point she stretched her leg and tried to lie down on the floor with her hand propped up....this is it I thought..but realizing my environment where I'm supposed to not loose my cool, for a second I was on the verge of taking off from the location as fast as I can..hmm.. you won't know how I empathized with the Kinder teachers..in fact all of them in teaching profession at that moment, I sternly and slowly said this with a big smile still on my face " Sandhya, udhai venuamaa?" (which apparently translates to "do you need a spank") haa...that did the trick and the other kids around her did not have a clue what I said and was I relieved when I came to work and sat at my desk..you bet.

Taking a closer look

The other day when I was talking to my mom I heard her say that my dad rejected the
idea of putting my nephews to a different school which was supposed to be good stating that it is a bit far so risky as the commute involves crossing busy streets. I can sense a little disappointment in her voice but surprisingly I supported my dad coming up with the reason that his intuition is right most of the time and that it is reasonable for him to consider the distance and advised her to let go about the idea of changing schools.

It is surprising because I used to hate my dad's over protectiveness when I was growing up. He is not a kind of person who would sit down and explain to the kids about the reason why he is saying 'NO' for anything. He bluntly refuses any requests from us ( if he thinks it might be a problem or not safe, which I later understood) but then, when you are young and when you see other kids your age do it but you are not allowed you certainly don't like that, atleaset I hated it. I have barely traveled in a public transport bus alone when I was in school. I had to fight so much to ride a bicycle to school which used to be near and using the back roads without much traffic. When I entered college which was in a different town ( out of his sight) I took the liberty of doing things which I was otherwise generally not allowed like going to restaurants with friends or going to a movie. I sometimes travel alone from my college to home and lie to him that the friends just left when he comes to pick me up from the station. Once I remember I traveled by bus with my friends and then went to the train station after reaching chennai and faked that I came by train because my dad felt traveling long distance by bus is not safe and that too in the night. It was fun, thrilling and gave the strong adrenaline rush which I enjoyed in doing such things.

I arrogantly believed I was doing nothing wrong, thought that his denial is not a big deal as he would never say yes to these "simple" things. All I felt was rejection ( blame the age and hormones). Now after becoming a parent myself I slowly start to recognize, the way I see things changed. Can I say that I can totally relate to his concerns. For eg. on the night that I traveled by bus if the bus had a break down and we were stranded in the middle of the night, what if something bad happens in theater where I was watching a movie, this was what would've run through my dad's mind. Well, these things can happen to anybody anywhere but from thinking from his view all he wanted was to avoid any mishap or a possible bad situation to his children. If everybody was protective about their children my dad was just ovveerrlly impractically protective.

Now when I imagine my daughters traveling by bus in the night alone on that roads... a shiver goes through my nerves, I would definitely not approve that. But having gone through the experience I can foresee the reaction if I'm like my dad to my daughters, so somewhere I need to find a balance between being protective and also let them grow independently without them realizing my protective hands around them which will be a challenge given the tints of my dad's personality in me...

Luckily both Sandhya and Divya are not bad eaters rather they are fond of food in a way. They eat for the most part without any fuss. I don't have to plead or run behind them to make them eat or be worried that they are not eating enough (touching wood..). Mani took them to grocery shopping and at the end bought them a cup of frozen yogurt. After settling down at a table to eat, Mani asked whether he can have a bite, as he was asking, Sandhya quickly started to gather her cup and other stuff closer to her and then looked at him with a look of innocence and surprise.. looked at the table around Mani and then asked very concernedly "What are you going to eat daddy?

One more year..

The twins turned 6 this Feb. 4th. I can't believe 6 years have gone by already.Oh, Well I say this every year right from their first birthday. I still remember fresh the day they were squirming on my hands. Hard to get past the thought that they are not toddlers anymore but little GIRLS :)

So much for that...

As it got late for Mani to arrive from work two days back both the girls started asking me why he hasn't come yet. As I was too immersed in washing the dishes I was thinking to myself may be some problem at work, at the same time heard Sandhya say may be he went to India. Surprised I turned to her and asked why all of a sudden she came up with this India stuff. She said that M told them that morning that he might go to India to see his dad. It was true that M had been contemplating about a short trip to India. So then I started to play along their lines and said indeed he has gone to India. Both of them were upset and said they miss him and that they wanted him back asap which was infact entertaining to me. I cheered them saying " thats ok, any way you both cry when he wakes you up in the morning, and say you don't like appa to give you time outs..we can have fun having Girl's day at home until he comes.."."No No, but he also takes us to the park and get us candy some times " and Divya finally asked me "but ma,don't YOU miss him too?" I playingly said "No I don't" "but he said he missed you when you went to India when Chennai thatha was sick last year..." I was totally knocked out at that statement. Knowing about him, who is so not of this kind, expressing feelings in words and who is notoriously bad in remembering birthdays or even our anniversary it was very hard for me to believe.."really.. really did he say that Divya" as I was thinking Divya said " Yes he did.." and then casually added " ...when he was folding the laundry he said if you were here he doesn't have to do this"

A moment to cherish..

As I was mixing up the salt for the idli batter Sandhya and Divya sat next to me to watch it as usual. They like watching me making chapathi dough or like this mixing the batter which I do with my bare hands. Their hands will be on alert ready to put in to the dough even if I miss a second not watching. I'm sure it looks like play dough for them and as normal kids they like messing up. They like to watch me so much when doing this they never fail to ask me "Can I put my hands in and do it" and which I dismiss with a "no" smile. This time in addition to the smile I said " oh, I will be very happy if you wanted to do this - preparing the idli batter and the chapathi dough - when you are grown up too" for which Divya said "ma when we are grown up then you will become a grandma right, then you should make these and cook for me when you are visiting me..just like how patti does now when she visits us". I said "OK, that’s a nice observation Divya , I will cook for you don't worry" as I was saying this Sandhya interrupted me " Divya, amma will be old when we are grown up so she cannot do all the work, we have to cook for her and take care of her" I stopped everything to enjoy that moment.

My sweet Sandhya, I don't know if you will go by your words actually when you are older but thank you for just giving this moment to treasure. With all the possibility/odds that this blog still exists and in case you happen to read this I wanted you to know that I will cherish your words for my life

Good old days..

I was wondering..when did I ever get so insecure and protective..may be it is the country and the different environment (than that of my childhood) is doing this. Yesterday one of my neighbor girl came knocking on the door asking if Sandhya and Divya can play with her...I said why not and let her inside. As I was taking care of the cooking I heard them go to the Garage and open the Garage door..I hurried to them and said they are not supposed to go the road and play only inside the garage or inside the house and went back to the kitchen. After a while I realized I did not hear them anywhere around the house and ran to see where they are...I saw them running on the road with a ball..I got furious (fear equates to anger for me always) I waved them to come inside without showing my anger. and after they came closer I sternly asked them to get inside hinting that their play date is done for that day..they were upset but they knew what they did was not acceptable that too after I had warned them not to go outside so they whined a little but came with me without throwing a lot of tantrums.

This made me bring back my child hood memories , when I was their age I had no restrictions like these.I grew up, at least for the most part of my childhood, in a big apartment complex. We had lot of same age-group pals to play with. I would just dash out to play once I come from school and change my uniform. My mom would only know that we are somewhere in the complex that is all, she wouldn't fear of anything else unless it got too late for us to return home( or may be she feared, when I think back, and I did not know this until I became a mom ). It always felt so safe ..there used to be days like summer holidays that I would be outside the house for a whole day only coming home to have lunch and head back out immediately. the happy feelings, nostalgia, these memories bring in me cannot be completely put in words in this one post or in this blog. All those Deepavalis I celebrated living there will be my best. I feel kind of sad that my daughters are missing such an environment. On the same lines I also noticed that the picture had completely changed back in India too. I never see any one play in the evening nowadays, either they go to some classes or tuition..its really sad, I feel that children from this generation may not be having a childhood that I consider the best, playing outside with friends without any fear and conditions.