A moment to cherish..

As I was mixing up the salt for the idli batter Sandhya and Divya sat next to me to watch it as usual. They like watching me making chapathi dough or like this mixing the batter which I do with my bare hands. Their hands will be on alert ready to put in to the dough even if I miss a second not watching. I'm sure it looks like play dough for them and as normal kids they like messing up. They like to watch me so much when doing this they never fail to ask me "Can I put my hands in and do it" and which I dismiss with a "no" smile. This time in addition to the smile I said " oh, I will be very happy if you wanted to do this - preparing the idli batter and the chapathi dough - when you are grown up too" for which Divya said "ma when we are grown up then you will become a grandma right, then you should make these and cook for me when you are visiting me..just like how patti does now when she visits us". I said "OK, that’s a nice observation Divya , I will cook for you don't worry" as I was saying this Sandhya interrupted me " Divya, amma will be old when we are grown up so she cannot do all the work, we have to cook for her and take care of her" I stopped everything to enjoy that moment.

My sweet Sandhya, I don't know if you will go by your words actually when you are older but thank you for just giving this moment to treasure. With all the possibility/odds that this blog still exists and in case you happen to read this I wanted you to know that I will cherish your words for my life

Good old days..

I was wondering..when did I ever get so insecure and protective..may be it is the country and the different environment (than that of my childhood) is doing this. Yesterday one of my neighbor girl came knocking on the door asking if Sandhya and Divya can play with her...I said why not and let her inside. As I was taking care of the cooking I heard them go to the Garage and open the Garage door..I hurried to them and said they are not supposed to go the road and play only inside the garage or inside the house and went back to the kitchen. After a while I realized I did not hear them anywhere around the house and ran to see where they are...I saw them running on the road with a ball..I got furious (fear equates to anger for me always) I waved them to come inside without showing my anger. and after they came closer I sternly asked them to get inside hinting that their play date is done for that day..they were upset but they knew what they did was not acceptable that too after I had warned them not to go outside so they whined a little but came with me without throwing a lot of tantrums.

This made me bring back my child hood memories , when I was their age I had no restrictions like these.I grew up, at least for the most part of my childhood, in a big apartment complex. We had lot of same age-group pals to play with. I would just dash out to play once I come from school and change my uniform. My mom would only know that we are somewhere in the complex that is all, she wouldn't fear of anything else unless it got too late for us to return home( or may be she feared, when I think back, and I did not know this until I became a mom ). It always felt so safe ..there used to be days like summer holidays that I would be outside the house for a whole day only coming home to have lunch and head back out immediately. the happy feelings, nostalgia, these memories bring in me cannot be completely put in words in this one post or in this blog. All those Deepavalis I celebrated living there will be my best. I feel kind of sad that my daughters are missing such an environment. On the same lines I also noticed that the picture had completely changed back in India too. I never see any one play in the evening nowadays, either they go to some classes or tuition..its really sad, I feel that children from this generation may not be having a childhood that I consider the best, playing outside with friends without any fear and conditions.

'08 Christmas

This year's Christmas was more memorable for the kids considering the fact that they had so much more exposure to the celebration through their school, friends and their care taker. They had this theme and all their activities at school were based on that and after school, they had watched their care taker decorate her lawn and house with lights and decorate the tree which made them all the more excited. Last year they were not this much "informed" about Christmas, I had just bought some much needed winter dresses for them and put that in a gift bag and placed it under the tree. I had to wake them up in the morning to go and check out. But this year it was a different picture. They were literally jumping around with excitement on Christmas eve. They ordered me that I keep a glass of milk and cookies left for Santa to eat and wanted to go out and sow the "magic" food for the reindeer that they had made at school on the lawns. I had a hard time to calm them down and make them go to sleep. I could relate to them in a way, Christmas to them was like Deepavali to me when I was young. That was the only morning when I would be up before my mom. Few days before the Christmas I overheard the girls talking "Divya , you know what , last year Santa did not wrap our gifts, he just gave it in a bag which I did not like.." "I know Sandhya thats because we were only half good kids to mommy, this year I wish he wraps it in a box with a nice bow.." .. and so I had to take all the pain to shop for nice shiny gift wrapper and satin bows and sat down and wrapped the gifts I had bought them after they slept. Of course the expression they had in their face and the screaming they did in the morning after spotting the gift does not compare to any thing in this world, to put it in Divya's words "in this whole wide world".

ready yet?..I don't think so..

This is a pretty mundane scene in our home during weekday evenings. Either sandhya or Divya or both calling us to come clean them after they are done with their potty. Why this requires a mention is because their potty time is when we sit down for dinner. Almost everyday , this stirs up arguments between me and M regarding their ability to clean themselves on their own. M wanted them to start cleaning on their own(one of the biggest reason being that he hates to do it and so he is hurrying to wash off his hands out of this job quickly) I protest every time saying they are not yet ready, have to give them couple of more years to let them do it but M insists I'm standing in their path of getting independent, may be I'm or may be its that I don't want to let go one more of the baby tending job out of my hands. I wanted to cling on to the feeling that they are still babies and I'm their savior. I sometimes wonder why I'm doing this more now when I use to feel so elated at each phase they grew in to from when they were born. I can't say how much happy I was when finally I made them forget bottles and drink from a sipper when they were just 13 or 14 months old which is quiet early, I also started potty training quiet early and was feeling relieved so much when they were all ready to completely forgo diapers by 2 1/2 years (though Sandhya still wets the bed occationally..thats a different story). On the mornings when I get to drop them at school I do everything for them, bath them, wipe them, dress them , I even put the shoes on to their feet..I don't let them do it on their own. I know its not good but I do it thinking its only once in a month or so I get to do this as everyday M just make them do everything on their own. I never got the feeling then that they can go on with bottle or diaper a little longer but why now. The more they show signs of independence and start to "move" away from the need for me the more I tend to cling on to those chores. Is it because of the thought that I'm not going to have any more babies somewhere deep inside that is making me do this..may be it is..any how hearing the "ammaa..I'm done.." from the toilet is priceless for me that I will hold on to as a "feel good" burden for now..

a long way home..

I had a bad commute yesterday to home..There was a big accident on the freeway which I usually take and so it was also backed up heavily on the back road the alternate route to home.So there we were, me and the kids sitting in the traffic for over an hour and me whining and very hungry. I started getting in to the loop of their conversations and asking about what happened at school and day care today to kill the time..some excerpts from that

Divya:sandhya did you know Sophia gave me a pack of banana crisps today
Sandhy: Divya don't talk about Sophia because she is in my class and so my friend
Divya: but she talked to me during the recess and she is also My friend..
Sandhya: no she is not.
Divya: yes she is
me:(trying to interrupt): Ok Sandhya .Sophia is friends with both of you. You cannot say this to Divya.
Sandhya:...amma you are mean..
me: !!!!

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me: Sandhya..did you read out your clues for the sharing toy to the class well..
Sandhya: (nodding her head)
me: (facing the road) what? did you or did you not?
Sandhya: again nodding her head..
me: (turning back and raise my voice)Sandhya, I have told you, when someone ask a question you have to answer it..why don't you answer me..
Sandhya: amma, but I nodded my head, din't you see it..
me: oh , how am I suppose to know you nodded your head when I'm looking at the road?
Sandhya: you are supposed to look at that mirror in front of you
me:!!!!..just turned back around to continue to look at the road..

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They started singing sing along songs which they have been practicing in the class for the x-mas. San trying to correct Div when ever she had a wrong or misplaced a word in the song and as usual Div not accepting it and at some point it became fun for Div to use a different or wrong word purposely giggling, thinking that it teased Sandhya. In the course she had said"the fat Santa" which Sandhya noticed with a *gasp*

Sandhya:uh-oh Divya you called Santa by names
me: DIVYA did you??( trying to join sandhya in teasing)
me: now Santa is going to be upset with you..
Sandhya: ..and he is not going to give you any gifts
Divya: (realizing what she had done..stopped giggling and went on to a defensive mode)NO I did not (her eyes welling up)
me: Divya if you are lieing it makes him even more upset..
Divya: no amma..I did not call Santa by name..I just told he is fat ..by mistake
(by this time she was at the verge of crying terrified that she might not get her gift)
me: ok..say sorry and tell me you won't say this again
Divya: I already did say sorry
me: really!!! when did that happen? I did not hear you..
Divya: well..I said sorry in my mind..

I forgot to mention how strong headed girl she is, till date it has been so hard to make her say the word sorry to us (she says to other people except the family members..don't know the reason...wish there was way to get in to their brain and see whats going on in there..)

then I remembered I had an apple that I forgot to eat during the day so I took it out and started eating. May be Divya wanted to have that apple too, since I heard the care taker say that they had a heavy snack that evening I did not bother to ask them if they needed..
Divya: amma, if you keep on eating that apple..then you will be stuck on the road for 200 years..
me: ..really if I'm stuck then you will be too..
Divya: yes thats why you need to share that apple..and so that was how the commute went and we were home finally nearly about 2 hours later than the usual time...

Thanks Giving

...I like this time of the year when thing slow down a lot at work. like to see the lightings, wreath christmas trees go up with decorations at the office buildings, malls and all places around..and ofcourse the sales. I especially like thanksgiving as its one of those fairly big break you get here. Right from when I landed here me and M use to travel to (mostly lake tahoe/reno) stay for a night gamble have fun and come back as he likes to visit tahoe. The very first time we went there it was snowing and that was the first time I experienced snow fall in my life, it was exciting. One other time I remember the trip was when I was pregnant with the twins...I think I was in to 24 weeks that thanks giving when we went to Reno, I being so big and tired with the pregnancy just went and slept thru the night an M gambled alone and I remember he won a jackpot ..before every one wonders how big it is...let me say it was just $250 dollars. Its not a big amount but if you had gambled on those slot machines you will understand how big a deal it is....
...and that was the last thanks giving we travelled and alone for a while..needless to say how our life took a ride on the roller coaster after the twins arrived and I vaguely remember how I spent the previous 4 Thanks giving..Last year we decided again to continue our little tradition of travelling, now with the twins tagging along with us. We went to Monterey beach stayed there for a day relaxed and came back. It was fun in a different way, we had the responsibilty of entertaining and engaging the girls which was both enjoyable and a gruesome excercise. This year we are planning to just chill out at a local game place and a bit of shopping on black friday ..happy holidays

Indian ghost

I was actually planning to write about this years Halloween but has been putting of as there din't really much out of ordinary happened. Same princess costumes...same parade at school..photos..poses...carry the basket and go for trick or treating in the evening and me just tailing behind them around the neighborhood. Yesterday I happen to read the book "Poultrygeist" at their bedtime. Sandhya had picked that book from the library for this week. I had made a habit of reading books with them at night, so it was sort of spending some one on one time with them at the end of days mad rush..of course there are times I had felt frustrated when they call me to read books when I'm dead tired I had to literally pacify them to just take a book and see the pictures..but I should say they really got in to reading books for which I'm so happy. Coming back to the poultrygeist, it is a story about 2 noisy roosters in a barn who would not listen to the cow and a pig who wanted a quiet environment..so when the Halloween neared, the cow and Pig disguised themselves a ghost and try to scare the roosters to make them not be noisy..after I finished reading the story..Divya was silent for a moment and then asked me "amma, what the difference between a vedhalam and a vampire.." I had already introduced vedhallam and vikraman stories which they liked well and also gave me good space to build up my imaginary stories using the 2 characters vedhalam and vikram...So as I was trying to answer Divya, Sandhya got up with her hands out broad with a gesturing manner and head slightly tilted, with a grown up tone in her voice as if Divya's Q was a silly one.."Divyaa..aa Vedhalam is an Indian ghost and vampire is an American ghost. Vedhalam speaks tamizh and vampire speaks english. vedhalam hangs upside down from the tree but vampire does not and also vampire likes to drink blood from people.." saying this she went back to lie down..I was like Wow that was good, even I would not have thought of so many differences.