..A broken heart...

As the girls get settled in their new Kindergarten environment, Divya got her first invitation for a birthday party from one of her class mate A who happens to be in her day care too. The invitation had a castle and a princess theme set for the party which no wonder made Divya all excited. At the first glance I did not notice the day of the party so I promised her that I would take her to the party. One of the reason , the most important of all, for which she was super excited was the fact that Sandhya did not get invited. Since the girls are in diffrent class rooms and since the birthday girl was from Divyas class, Sandhya was not invited. Divya had been watching the bithday girl describe her costume and stuff as they were spending most of the time together at school and the day care. I had stuck the invitaion on our fridge and when I tried to RSVP I noticed that the party was a weekday that too on a Monday 5 pm. As I commute a long distance there was no way I can leave work for a silly bith day party I thought, and decided we would not go. All I thought of was about my commute and work but I totally missed from Divyas point of view(Can I get any more self centered than this :( sigh..) Afterwards I totally forgot about this until I went to pick up the girls from the day care on monday, the moment I entered the day care Divya came running to me with wide eyes asking "are we going to the party now.." but it was too late already.. so I had to say "Next time ..not now.." poor little thing, she was so devastated..she would'nt want to stop crying , din't matter what I said or offered her...infact I had brought her favourite lolly pop that day but she did not even bothered to touch it...I had to literally half drag and half carry her to the car and she slept after sometime still weeping...and she continued to cry until I forced her to have something to eat and she slept with her eyes still wet...I felt guilty , bad that I'm not fit to be a mommy..I felt I deprived her due right to go to her friends party..ofcourse this is not the first time I felt this way but every time I would just console myself that sometimes or somethings need to be sacrificed because of my full time work which is in turn for the chideren's good, I would console myself blindly..but this time it was different.. I could have spared a half hour , come early and taken her to the party...bad me. What has happened is happenend and as usual to suppress my guiltiness I bought her Pizza for dinner the next day..she pulled the invitation which was still stuck on the fridge and said or rather demanded that she need the same kind of castle in her next birhtday invitation , at the same place and wanted to invite A to her birth day..I nodded cheerfully as if I'm absolved for my guilt..