I was arranging the photos on my home computer when I came accross this photo. Divya scrambling and messing around with the contents of this steel almirah. As early as 4 months before they were born M started to get concerned about all his properties...books and his precious eloctronic tid bits..of all the things that we were about to face as new parents of twins. He would just add on "oh, when they start moving they are going to mess up with my stuff..we have put away all my stuff safely out of their reach.." as a suffix for any thing I say or bring up like. That was more important for him, and so when they were around 5 months just about when they started scooting on their tummys, M jumped up and ordered this steel almirah which is generally used only in work places. I was so against getting this as it was looking awful and did not fit the decor of the house,but as skilled as he is in arguing me out logically if he wanted to get something he went ahead and bought this. He claimed that he couldn't find anything with a lockable door. I think he was stuck with this steel one from the beginning as it was similar to the ones we had (and still have, the infamous Godrej ones) in India in each and every home. All this was fine until one day I saw Divya comfortably crawl inside and blissfully messing around with the books. As I noticed this I grabbed the camera to get a picture promptly...a good proof to get on him that his idea din't work, that with his forgetfullness he din't even remember to close the door and so eventually I can make him get rid of this..

Nnevertheless my idea to get rid did not work, its still occupying space in one of the rooms..please don't ask me ..why still?

Gay "marriage" or not

I would not say I'm an avid follower of politics but neither do I turn a deaf ear or blind eye on the news on it. But the current election even made people like me to closely follow the happenings, may be because I was eligible to cast my vote this time so I was more interested or may be the candidates for this election aroused the curiosity. I think I started following the news and articles on election right from the Iowa primary caucus in which Obama won. After hearing some of his speeches and articles on him I should say I started leaning towards him. As the primary started dragging with Clinton not bowing out I remember cursing her involuntarily as I was listening to the news. It really surprised me as I had always had a "who cares" attitude in politics before. And on the night of the election day Obama's speech made me mushy..emotional, he really is a damn good orator.. One other thing which pressed me more to do my duty as a citizen is the issue of gay marriage on the ballot. Prop 8 is a ban on gay marriage. I wanted to register my role in making prop 8 successful. By this I would not say that I'm against gays as such, I do have gay colleagues and friends and considering my up bringing I should say I really adapted to accommodate them well and with ease. I understand its a personal interest,every person can decide what kind of sexual orientation they believe  or will have but when it comes to marriage I think it should be preserved to be between a man and a woman. That's what marriage means, it has evolved and is part of the process of making a family which helps the species thrive and proliferate and to change its meaning, I think its against the nature..

Identity crisis....

Recently I started noticing things what Sandhya and Divya says regrding there likings or their opinions, be it a song or food or color or whatever they could spin their conversations on. If I play a song in the car and if Sandhya says she likes it Divya makes it a point to dislike it, same with food..Sandhya likes rasam..Divya likes only sambar..Sandhya hates vegetables divya always asks for a second serving especially the ones which Sandhya refuses to eat even if I force her..on the other hand Sandhya like to have spinach in any form and Divya never touches Spinach..and lateley Sandhya seems to pick up math better than Divya but Divya does better job in reading and writing...the more Divya says she likes to write the more I see that Sandhya does not want to write. I'm sure Divya likes pink but the other day I heard her say she doesn't like pink the moment Sandhya said that it was her favourite. It is as though they wanted to prove that they are different in all aspects..fighting for an identity, as if they no more wanted us to treat them as "They" or "them" but instead as individual persons. It is ok to a certain length but it started to concern me a bit now as this process finds its way in each and everything crossing their life from dawn until dusk.Me or M are as careful as humanely possible to not to utter any word of comparisons between them but still they tend to do this. Expressing their feeling is something but developing an opinion purely based on the other twin sibling's liking is not a pretty scene to watch...

I feel that they always have this little competitiveness running between them (may be to catch our attention more) M used to comment that for us it a competitive world outside the house but for them its right inside and exists all 24 hrs. I'm sure this happens with all siblings to some extent but with twins I think its more vivid

I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping that they would grow out of this as they grow up...

..A broken heart...

As the girls get settled in their new Kindergarten environment, Divya got her first invitation for a birthday party from one of her class mate A who happens to be in her day care too. The invitation had a castle and a princess theme set for the party which no wonder made Divya all excited. At the first glance I did not notice the day of the party so I promised her that I would take her to the party. One of the reason , the most important of all, for which she was super excited was the fact that Sandhya did not get invited. Since the girls are in diffrent class rooms and since the birthday girl was from Divyas class, Sandhya was not invited. Divya had been watching the bithday girl describe her costume and stuff as they were spending most of the time together at school and the day care. I had stuck the invitaion on our fridge and when I tried to RSVP I noticed that the party was a weekday that too on a Monday 5 pm. As I commute a long distance there was no way I can leave work for a silly bith day party I thought, and decided we would not go. All I thought of was about my commute and work but I totally missed from Divyas point of view(Can I get any more self centered than this :( sigh..) Afterwards I totally forgot about this until I went to pick up the girls from the day care on monday, the moment I entered the day care Divya came running to me with wide eyes asking "are we going to the party now.." but it was too late already.. so I had to say "Next time ..not now.." poor little thing, she was so devastated..she would'nt want to stop crying , din't matter what I said or offered her...infact I had brought her favourite lolly pop that day but she did not even bothered to touch it...I had to literally half drag and half carry her to the car and she slept after sometime still weeping...and she continued to cry until I forced her to have something to eat and she slept with her eyes still wet...I felt guilty , bad that I'm not fit to be a mommy..I felt I deprived her due right to go to her friends party..ofcourse this is not the first time I felt this way but every time I would just console myself that sometimes or somethings need to be sacrificed because of my full time work which is in turn for the chideren's good, I would console myself blindly..but this time it was different.. I could have spared a half hour , come early and taken her to the party...bad me. What has happened is happenend and as usual to suppress my guiltiness I bought her Pizza for dinner the next day..she pulled the invitation which was still stuck on the fridge and said or rather demanded that she need the same kind of castle in her next birhtday invitation , at the same place and wanted to invite A to her birth day..I nodded cheerfully as if I'm absolved for my guilt..

Appa and the Internet

In the mid ninety's (it makes me feel so old when I write this) when the act of creating or having a yahoo and hotmail email accounts were considered geeky and classy my dad sat down next to me one day and asked me to explain this whole thingy about the email ...internet and stuff...I got all enthu and started by saying the procedure to create an account first which can be used for sending and receiving emails.. given the fact how detail oriented my dad is he started off with his questionnaire session...what is that you call a password....when u hit the send button where is your content exactly stored , in the satellite...what is the meaning of yahoo....what do you mean when you say right click the mouse or left click ...to be honest I tried my best to control my laughter at certain instances and tried to say that it is enough if he knows the procedure in steps to start with..but at some point he got frustrated and he got up and said he would better join a class to learn these things and there it ended. After I got married and came to the US I had told him so many times to learn to use the internet and send emails as it will make the communication better instead of calling or waiting for my call...and now after 8 years he is visiting US again, he asked me to teach him about the whole thingy about email and stuff...I kid u not the whole saga of questions came out again...he is so apprehensive in trying out or exploring for himself that he intmidates himself more with his questions...finally I said that I will create an account on his name and would operate it on his behalf. He has been happily giving out his email Id to whoever he is talking to and my job is to get a print out of his emails and type the reply for them as he dictates...fun !!

They have arrived....

We had left the kids with my parents in chennai for couple of months and they came back home last week. It was a nice mutual break for both us and them. I had mixed feelings , I was both enjoying my time alone as well as missing them so much. Good times doesn't last forever do they? so here I am facing the reality which is I HAVE a HYPER ACTIVE TWIN GIRLS as my treasure (or torture!!)...

They started their Kindergarten in a new school and they were excited to go to school of course only on the first day because of new backpack shoes etc and after second day Sandhya asked me.."Amma, after two days it is going to be the weekend right", I said "Yes, why are you asking"... "can we go back to India ?"..since they were vacationing in India they were having this notion that they are supposed have all the fun there in India enjoying everybodys attention (which they were severly lacking here) sometime like this its really fun to be around them when they utter something as naive as this :) then me and M explained that there is nothing like being at home where ever they are, even if they wanted to stay in Chennai they have to go to school like their cousins do and do the loads of home work like them...it sure made them think, they did not open up going to India after that :)

Random compliments

The other day on a usual sleepy afternoon I went down to the Starbucks thats right down on the first floor of our office building(very convinient indeed) to get some tea..as I was browsing the flovours and debating whether to go for green or black tea latte there was a voice "how are you doing.." I heard the voice so close to my ears that I was startled and turned back to see a 50ish old black guy smiling at me..standing closely behind me..as a natural response I said I'm fine and tried to move away when he threw the next question "Are you a Fijiian or Indian" ... at which point I should say that I was a bit scrared as I work in the city down town and there are lots of homeless poeple all around the place..I was damn sure that the guy was going to snatch the purse or at the leaset ask me to get him a coffee..I took a step back before answering prepared to run ..but then I noticed that the guy was neatly dressed with a leather jacket and most importantly he DID NOT smell bad which is the characteristic of a homeless..so I was convinced that he was just another customer there and said that I'm from India and then he was talking how Fijians and Indians look similar while I was buying my tea and nodding to him and as I was about to turn and go he finally said "Oh you have beautiful eyes." I don't know for Gods sake why he said that may be he wanted to extend the conversation but this time I got really nervous and thanked him hastily and came out of the store..though I was nervous I should say that I do feel good about the compliment later when I think of it...after all I'm a women...don't care from where its coming