The other day when I was talking to my mom I heard her say that my dad rejected the
idea of putting my nephews to a different school which was supposed to be good stating that it is a bit far so risky as the commute involves crossing busy streets. I can sense a little disappointment in her voice but surprisingly I supported my dad coming up with the reason that his intuition is right most of the time and that it is reasonable for him to consider the distance and advised her to let go about the idea of changing schools.
It is surprising because I used to hate my dad's over protectiveness when I was growing up. He is not a kind of person who would sit down and explain to the kids about the reason why he is saying 'NO' for anything. He bluntly refuses any requests from us ( if he thinks it might be a problem or not safe, which I later understood) but then, when you are young and when you see other kids your age do it but you are not allowed you certainly don't like that, atleaset I hated it. I have barely traveled in a public transport bus alone when I was in school. I had to fight so much to ride a bicycle to school which used to be near and using the back roads without much traffic. When I entered college which was in a different town ( out of his sight) I took the liberty of doing things which I was otherwise generally not allowed like going to restaurants with friends or going to a movie. I sometimes travel alone from my college to home and lie to him that the friends just left when he comes to pick me up from the station. Once I remember I traveled by bus with my friends and then went to the train station after reaching chennai and faked that I came by train because my dad felt traveling long distance by bus is not safe and that too in the night. It was fun, thrilling and gave the strong adrenaline rush which I enjoyed in doing such things.
I arrogantly believed I was doing nothing wrong, thought that his denial is not a big deal as he would never say yes to these "simple" things. All I felt was rejection ( blame the age and hormones). Now after becoming a parent myself I slowly start to recognize, the way I see things changed. Can I say that I can totally relate to his concerns. For eg. on the night that I traveled by bus if the bus had a break down and we were stranded in the middle of the night, what if something bad happens in theater where I was watching a movie, this was what would've run through my dad's mind. Well, these things can happen to anybody anywhere but from thinking from his view all he wanted was to avoid any mishap or a possible bad situation to his children. If everybody was protective about their children my dad was just ovveerrlly impractically protective.
Now when I imagine my daughters traveling by bus in the night alone on that roads... a shiver goes through my nerves, I would definitely not approve that. But having gone through the experience I can foresee the reaction if I'm like my dad to my daughters, so somewhere I need to find a balance between being protective and also let them grow independently without them realizing my protective hands around them which will be a challenge given the tints of my dad's personality in me...
idea of putting my nephews to a different school which was supposed to be good stating that it is a bit far so risky as the commute involves crossing busy streets. I can sense a little disappointment in her voice but surprisingly I supported my dad coming up with the reason that his intuition is right most of the time and that it is reasonable for him to consider the distance and advised her to let go about the idea of changing schools.
It is surprising because I used to hate my dad's over protectiveness when I was growing up. He is not a kind of person who would sit down and explain to the kids about the reason why he is saying 'NO' for anything. He bluntly refuses any requests from us ( if he thinks it might be a problem or not safe, which I later understood) but then, when you are young and when you see other kids your age do it but you are not allowed you certainly don't like that, atleaset I hated it. I have barely traveled in a public transport bus alone when I was in school. I had to fight so much to ride a bicycle to school which used to be near and using the back roads without much traffic. When I entered college which was in a different town ( out of his sight) I took the liberty of doing things which I was otherwise generally not allowed like going to restaurants with friends or going to a movie. I sometimes travel alone from my college to home and lie to him that the friends just left when he comes to pick me up from the station. Once I remember I traveled by bus with my friends and then went to the train station after reaching chennai and faked that I came by train because my dad felt traveling long distance by bus is not safe and that too in the night. It was fun, thrilling and gave the strong adrenaline rush which I enjoyed in doing such things.
I arrogantly believed I was doing nothing wrong, thought that his denial is not a big deal as he would never say yes to these "simple" things. All I felt was rejection ( blame the age and hormones). Now after becoming a parent myself I slowly start to recognize, the way I see things changed. Can I say that I can totally relate to his concerns. For eg. on the night that I traveled by bus if the bus had a break down and we were stranded in the middle of the night, what if something bad happens in theater where I was watching a movie, this was what would've run through my dad's mind. Well, these things can happen to anybody anywhere but from thinking from his view all he wanted was to avoid any mishap or a possible bad situation to his children. If everybody was protective about their children my dad was just ovveerrlly impractically protective.
Now when I imagine my daughters traveling by bus in the night alone on that roads... a shiver goes through my nerves, I would definitely not approve that. But having gone through the experience I can foresee the reaction if I'm like my dad to my daughters, so somewhere I need to find a balance between being protective and also let them grow independently without them realizing my protective hands around them which will be a challenge given the tints of my dad's personality in me...
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