'08 Christmas

This year's Christmas was more memorable for the kids considering the fact that they had so much more exposure to the celebration through their school, friends and their care taker. They had this theme and all their activities at school were based on that and after school, they had watched their care taker decorate her lawn and house with lights and decorate the tree which made them all the more excited. Last year they were not this much "informed" about Christmas, I had just bought some much needed winter dresses for them and put that in a gift bag and placed it under the tree. I had to wake them up in the morning to go and check out. But this year it was a different picture. They were literally jumping around with excitement on Christmas eve. They ordered me that I keep a glass of milk and cookies left for Santa to eat and wanted to go out and sow the "magic" food for the reindeer that they had made at school on the lawns. I had a hard time to calm them down and make them go to sleep. I could relate to them in a way, Christmas to them was like Deepavali to me when I was young. That was the only morning when I would be up before my mom. Few days before the Christmas I overheard the girls talking "Divya , you know what , last year Santa did not wrap our gifts, he just gave it in a bag which I did not like.." "I know Sandhya thats because we were only half good kids to mommy, this year I wish he wraps it in a box with a nice bow.." .. and so I had to take all the pain to shop for nice shiny gift wrapper and satin bows and sat down and wrapped the gifts I had bought them after they slept. Of course the expression they had in their face and the screaming they did in the morning after spotting the gift does not compare to any thing in this world, to put it in Divya's words "in this whole wide world".

ready yet?..I don't think so..

This is a pretty mundane scene in our home during weekday evenings. Either sandhya or Divya or both calling us to come clean them after they are done with their potty. Why this requires a mention is because their potty time is when we sit down for dinner. Almost everyday , this stirs up arguments between me and M regarding their ability to clean themselves on their own. M wanted them to start cleaning on their own(one of the biggest reason being that he hates to do it and so he is hurrying to wash off his hands out of this job quickly) I protest every time saying they are not yet ready, have to give them couple of more years to let them do it but M insists I'm standing in their path of getting independent, may be I'm or may be its that I don't want to let go one more of the baby tending job out of my hands. I wanted to cling on to the feeling that they are still babies and I'm their savior. I sometimes wonder why I'm doing this more now when I use to feel so elated at each phase they grew in to from when they were born. I can't say how much happy I was when finally I made them forget bottles and drink from a sipper when they were just 13 or 14 months old which is quiet early, I also started potty training quiet early and was feeling relieved so much when they were all ready to completely forgo diapers by 2 1/2 years (though Sandhya still wets the bed occationally..thats a different story). On the mornings when I get to drop them at school I do everything for them, bath them, wipe them, dress them , I even put the shoes on to their feet..I don't let them do it on their own. I know its not good but I do it thinking its only once in a month or so I get to do this as everyday M just make them do everything on their own. I never got the feeling then that they can go on with bottle or diaper a little longer but why now. The more they show signs of independence and start to "move" away from the need for me the more I tend to cling on to those chores. Is it because of the thought that I'm not going to have any more babies somewhere deep inside that is making me do this..may be it is..any how hearing the "ammaa..I'm done.." from the toilet is priceless for me that I will hold on to as a "feel good" burden for now..

a long way home..

I had a bad commute yesterday to home..There was a big accident on the freeway which I usually take and so it was also backed up heavily on the back road the alternate route to home.So there we were, me and the kids sitting in the traffic for over an hour and me whining and very hungry. I started getting in to the loop of their conversations and asking about what happened at school and day care today to kill the time..some excerpts from that

Divya:sandhya did you know Sophia gave me a pack of banana crisps today
Sandhy: Divya don't talk about Sophia because she is in my class and so my friend
Divya: but she talked to me during the recess and she is also My friend..
Sandhya: no she is not.
Divya: yes she is
me:(trying to interrupt): Ok Sandhya .Sophia is friends with both of you. You cannot say this to Divya.
Sandhya:...amma you are mean..
me: !!!!

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me: Sandhya..did you read out your clues for the sharing toy to the class well..
Sandhya: (nodding her head)
me: (facing the road) what? did you or did you not?
Sandhya: again nodding her head..
me: (turning back and raise my voice)Sandhya, I have told you, when someone ask a question you have to answer it..why don't you answer me..
Sandhya: amma, but I nodded my head, din't you see it..
me: oh , how am I suppose to know you nodded your head when I'm looking at the road?
Sandhya: you are supposed to look at that mirror in front of you
me:!!!!..just turned back around to continue to look at the road..

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They started singing sing along songs which they have been practicing in the class for the x-mas. San trying to correct Div when ever she had a wrong or misplaced a word in the song and as usual Div not accepting it and at some point it became fun for Div to use a different or wrong word purposely giggling, thinking that it teased Sandhya. In the course she had said"the fat Santa" which Sandhya noticed with a *gasp*

Sandhya:uh-oh Divya you called Santa by names
me: DIVYA did you??( trying to join sandhya in teasing)
me: now Santa is going to be upset with you..
Sandhya: ..and he is not going to give you any gifts
Divya: (realizing what she had done..stopped giggling and went on to a defensive mode)NO I did not (her eyes welling up)
me: Divya if you are lieing it makes him even more upset..
Divya: no amma..I did not call Santa by name..I just told he is fat ..by mistake
(by this time she was at the verge of crying terrified that she might not get her gift)
me: ok..say sorry and tell me you won't say this again
Divya: I already did say sorry
me: really!!! when did that happen? I did not hear you..
Divya: well..I said sorry in my mind..

I forgot to mention how strong headed girl she is, till date it has been so hard to make her say the word sorry to us (she says to other people except the family members..don't know the reason...wish there was way to get in to their brain and see whats going on in there..)

then I remembered I had an apple that I forgot to eat during the day so I took it out and started eating. May be Divya wanted to have that apple too, since I heard the care taker say that they had a heavy snack that evening I did not bother to ask them if they needed..
Divya: amma, if you keep on eating that apple..then you will be stuck on the road for 200 years..
me: ..really if I'm stuck then you will be too..
Divya: yes thats why you need to share that apple..and so that was how the commute went and we were home finally nearly about 2 hours later than the usual time...

Thanks Giving

...I like this time of the year when thing slow down a lot at work. like to see the lightings, wreath christmas trees go up with decorations at the office buildings, malls and all places around..and ofcourse the sales. I especially like thanksgiving as its one of those fairly big break you get here. Right from when I landed here me and M use to travel to (mostly lake tahoe/reno) stay for a night gamble have fun and come back as he likes to visit tahoe. The very first time we went there it was snowing and that was the first time I experienced snow fall in my life, it was exciting. One other time I remember the trip was when I was pregnant with the twins...I think I was in to 24 weeks that thanks giving when we went to Reno, I being so big and tired with the pregnancy just went and slept thru the night an M gambled alone and I remember he won a jackpot ..before every one wonders how big it is...let me say it was just $250 dollars. Its not a big amount but if you had gambled on those slot machines you will understand how big a deal it is....
...and that was the last thanks giving we travelled and alone for a while..needless to say how our life took a ride on the roller coaster after the twins arrived and I vaguely remember how I spent the previous 4 Thanks giving..Last year we decided again to continue our little tradition of travelling, now with the twins tagging along with us. We went to Monterey beach stayed there for a day relaxed and came back. It was fun in a different way, we had the responsibilty of entertaining and engaging the girls which was both enjoyable and a gruesome excercise. This year we are planning to just chill out at a local game place and a bit of shopping on black friday ..happy holidays

Indian ghost

I was actually planning to write about this years Halloween but has been putting of as there din't really much out of ordinary happened. Same princess costumes...same parade at school..photos..poses...carry the basket and go for trick or treating in the evening and me just tailing behind them around the neighborhood. Yesterday I happen to read the book "Poultrygeist" at their bedtime. Sandhya had picked that book from the library for this week. I had made a habit of reading books with them at night, so it was sort of spending some one on one time with them at the end of days mad rush..of course there are times I had felt frustrated when they call me to read books when I'm dead tired I had to literally pacify them to just take a book and see the pictures..but I should say they really got in to reading books for which I'm so happy. Coming back to the poultrygeist, it is a story about 2 noisy roosters in a barn who would not listen to the cow and a pig who wanted a quiet environment..so when the Halloween neared, the cow and Pig disguised themselves a ghost and try to scare the roosters to make them not be noisy..after I finished reading the story..Divya was silent for a moment and then asked me "amma, what the difference between a vedhalam and a vampire.." I had already introduced vedhallam and vikraman stories which they liked well and also gave me good space to build up my imaginary stories using the 2 characters vedhalam and vikram...So as I was trying to answer Divya, Sandhya got up with her hands out broad with a gesturing manner and head slightly tilted, with a grown up tone in her voice as if Divya's Q was a silly one.."Divyaa..aa Vedhalam is an Indian ghost and vampire is an American ghost. Vedhalam speaks tamizh and vampire speaks english. vedhalam hangs upside down from the tree but vampire does not and also vampire likes to drink blood from people.." saying this she went back to lie down..I was like Wow that was good, even I would not have thought of so many differences.

 

I was arranging the photos on my home computer when I came accross this photo. Divya scrambling and messing around with the contents of this steel almirah. As early as 4 months before they were born M started to get concerned about all his properties...books and his precious eloctronic tid bits..of all the things that we were about to face as new parents of twins. He would just add on "oh, when they start moving they are going to mess up with my stuff..we have put away all my stuff safely out of their reach.." as a suffix for any thing I say or bring up like. That was more important for him, and so when they were around 5 months just about when they started scooting on their tummys, M jumped up and ordered this steel almirah which is generally used only in work places. I was so against getting this as it was looking awful and did not fit the decor of the house,but as skilled as he is in arguing me out logically if he wanted to get something he went ahead and bought this. He claimed that he couldn't find anything with a lockable door. I think he was stuck with this steel one from the beginning as it was similar to the ones we had (and still have, the infamous Godrej ones) in India in each and every home. All this was fine until one day I saw Divya comfortably crawl inside and blissfully messing around with the books. As I noticed this I grabbed the camera to get a picture promptly...a good proof to get on him that his idea din't work, that with his forgetfullness he din't even remember to close the door and so eventually I can make him get rid of this..

Nnevertheless my idea to get rid did not work, its still occupying space in one of the rooms..please don't ask me ..why still?

Gay "marriage" or not

I would not say I'm an avid follower of politics but neither do I turn a deaf ear or blind eye on the news on it. But the current election even made people like me to closely follow the happenings, may be because I was eligible to cast my vote this time so I was more interested or may be the candidates for this election aroused the curiosity. I think I started following the news and articles on election right from the Iowa primary caucus in which Obama won. After hearing some of his speeches and articles on him I should say I started leaning towards him. As the primary started dragging with Clinton not bowing out I remember cursing her involuntarily as I was listening to the news. It really surprised me as I had always had a "who cares" attitude in politics before. And on the night of the election day Obama's speech made me mushy..emotional, he really is a damn good orator.. One other thing which pressed me more to do my duty as a citizen is the issue of gay marriage on the ballot. Prop 8 is a ban on gay marriage. I wanted to register my role in making prop 8 successful. By this I would not say that I'm against gays as such, I do have gay colleagues and friends and considering my up bringing I should say I really adapted to accommodate them well and with ease. I understand its a personal interest,every person can decide what kind of sexual orientation they believe  or will have but when it comes to marriage I think it should be preserved to be between a man and a woman. That's what marriage means, it has evolved and is part of the process of making a family which helps the species thrive and proliferate and to change its meaning, I think its against the nature..

Identity crisis....

Recently I started noticing things what Sandhya and Divya says regrding there likings or their opinions, be it a song or food or color or whatever they could spin their conversations on. If I play a song in the car and if Sandhya says she likes it Divya makes it a point to dislike it, same with food..Sandhya likes rasam..Divya likes only sambar..Sandhya hates vegetables divya always asks for a second serving especially the ones which Sandhya refuses to eat even if I force her..on the other hand Sandhya like to have spinach in any form and Divya never touches Spinach..and lateley Sandhya seems to pick up math better than Divya but Divya does better job in reading and writing...the more Divya says she likes to write the more I see that Sandhya does not want to write. I'm sure Divya likes pink but the other day I heard her say she doesn't like pink the moment Sandhya said that it was her favourite. It is as though they wanted to prove that they are different in all aspects..fighting for an identity, as if they no more wanted us to treat them as "They" or "them" but instead as individual persons. It is ok to a certain length but it started to concern me a bit now as this process finds its way in each and everything crossing their life from dawn until dusk.Me or M are as careful as humanely possible to not to utter any word of comparisons between them but still they tend to do this. Expressing their feeling is something but developing an opinion purely based on the other twin sibling's liking is not a pretty scene to watch...

I feel that they always have this little competitiveness running between them (may be to catch our attention more) M used to comment that for us it a competitive world outside the house but for them its right inside and exists all 24 hrs. I'm sure this happens with all siblings to some extent but with twins I think its more vivid

I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping that they would grow out of this as they grow up...

..A broken heart...

As the girls get settled in their new Kindergarten environment, Divya got her first invitation for a birthday party from one of her class mate A who happens to be in her day care too. The invitation had a castle and a princess theme set for the party which no wonder made Divya all excited. At the first glance I did not notice the day of the party so I promised her that I would take her to the party. One of the reason , the most important of all, for which she was super excited was the fact that Sandhya did not get invited. Since the girls are in diffrent class rooms and since the birthday girl was from Divyas class, Sandhya was not invited. Divya had been watching the bithday girl describe her costume and stuff as they were spending most of the time together at school and the day care. I had stuck the invitaion on our fridge and when I tried to RSVP I noticed that the party was a weekday that too on a Monday 5 pm. As I commute a long distance there was no way I can leave work for a silly bith day party I thought, and decided we would not go. All I thought of was about my commute and work but I totally missed from Divyas point of view(Can I get any more self centered than this :( sigh..) Afterwards I totally forgot about this until I went to pick up the girls from the day care on monday, the moment I entered the day care Divya came running to me with wide eyes asking "are we going to the party now.." but it was too late already.. so I had to say "Next time ..not now.." poor little thing, she was so devastated..she would'nt want to stop crying , din't matter what I said or offered her...infact I had brought her favourite lolly pop that day but she did not even bothered to touch it...I had to literally half drag and half carry her to the car and she slept after sometime still weeping...and she continued to cry until I forced her to have something to eat and she slept with her eyes still wet...I felt guilty , bad that I'm not fit to be a mommy..I felt I deprived her due right to go to her friends party..ofcourse this is not the first time I felt this way but every time I would just console myself that sometimes or somethings need to be sacrificed because of my full time work which is in turn for the chideren's good, I would console myself blindly..but this time it was different.. I could have spared a half hour , come early and taken her to the party...bad me. What has happened is happenend and as usual to suppress my guiltiness I bought her Pizza for dinner the next day..she pulled the invitation which was still stuck on the fridge and said or rather demanded that she need the same kind of castle in her next birhtday invitation , at the same place and wanted to invite A to her birth day..I nodded cheerfully as if I'm absolved for my guilt..

Appa and the Internet

In the mid ninety's (it makes me feel so old when I write this) when the act of creating or having a yahoo and hotmail email accounts were considered geeky and classy my dad sat down next to me one day and asked me to explain this whole thingy about the email ...internet and stuff...I got all enthu and started by saying the procedure to create an account first which can be used for sending and receiving emails.. given the fact how detail oriented my dad is he started off with his questionnaire session...what is that you call a password....when u hit the send button where is your content exactly stored , in the satellite...what is the meaning of yahoo....what do you mean when you say right click the mouse or left click ...to be honest I tried my best to control my laughter at certain instances and tried to say that it is enough if he knows the procedure in steps to start with..but at some point he got frustrated and he got up and said he would better join a class to learn these things and there it ended. After I got married and came to the US I had told him so many times to learn to use the internet and send emails as it will make the communication better instead of calling or waiting for my call...and now after 8 years he is visiting US again, he asked me to teach him about the whole thingy about email and stuff...I kid u not the whole saga of questions came out again...he is so apprehensive in trying out or exploring for himself that he intmidates himself more with his questions...finally I said that I will create an account on his name and would operate it on his behalf. He has been happily giving out his email Id to whoever he is talking to and my job is to get a print out of his emails and type the reply for them as he dictates...fun !!

They have arrived....

We had left the kids with my parents in chennai for couple of months and they came back home last week. It was a nice mutual break for both us and them. I had mixed feelings , I was both enjoying my time alone as well as missing them so much. Good times doesn't last forever do they? so here I am facing the reality which is I HAVE a HYPER ACTIVE TWIN GIRLS as my treasure (or torture!!)...

They started their Kindergarten in a new school and they were excited to go to school of course only on the first day because of new backpack shoes etc and after second day Sandhya asked me.."Amma, after two days it is going to be the weekend right", I said "Yes, why are you asking"... "can we go back to India ?"..since they were vacationing in India they were having this notion that they are supposed have all the fun there in India enjoying everybodys attention (which they were severly lacking here) sometime like this its really fun to be around them when they utter something as naive as this :) then me and M explained that there is nothing like being at home where ever they are, even if they wanted to stay in Chennai they have to go to school like their cousins do and do the loads of home work like them...it sure made them think, they did not open up going to India after that :)

Random compliments

The other day on a usual sleepy afternoon I went down to the Starbucks thats right down on the first floor of our office building(very convinient indeed) to get some tea..as I was browsing the flovours and debating whether to go for green or black tea latte there was a voice "how are you doing.." I heard the voice so close to my ears that I was startled and turned back to see a 50ish old black guy smiling at me..standing closely behind me..as a natural response I said I'm fine and tried to move away when he threw the next question "Are you a Fijiian or Indian" ... at which point I should say that I was a bit scrared as I work in the city down town and there are lots of homeless poeple all around the place..I was damn sure that the guy was going to snatch the purse or at the leaset ask me to get him a coffee..I took a step back before answering prepared to run ..but then I noticed that the guy was neatly dressed with a leather jacket and most importantly he DID NOT smell bad which is the characteristic of a homeless..so I was convinced that he was just another customer there and said that I'm from India and then he was talking how Fijians and Indians look similar while I was buying my tea and nodding to him and as I was about to turn and go he finally said "Oh you have beautiful eyes." I don't know for Gods sake why he said that may be he wanted to extend the conversation but this time I got really nervous and thanked him hastily and came out of the store..though I was nervous I should say that I do feel good about the compliment later when I think of it...after all I'm a women...don't care from where its coming

yay!! 9 more days left for my vacation. I'm yet to do my shopping. yet to get the visas from Indian consulate..well I have to justify me.."The Procrastinator" why do something today when it can be done tomorrow..but honestly I have so much work at work that it holds true if I say I forget to breathe sometimes..I have been looking forward for this vacation for a long time..I have a wedding to attend..this a wedding I'm attending first time after mine ..excited about the opportunity to wear saris that are not touched after I wore them for my wedding..I'm so much tempted to get new ones but I know it is going to be a waste of money..but oh boy do I wish that I 'd got married now looking all the new kinds and varieties especially designed for the bride to be :(

Pet or Baby you choose it..

The kids have been asking us to buy them a pet ... a dog..a cat or fishes anything and I used to joke back to them that I already have 2 puppies to take care and I cannot have 1 more..they did not understand my statement completely initially and would ask me back "but where are the puppies?" and then after a while when they started to understand what I really meant they would say "No, but we want real puppies to play with" I told them that when they both are ready to take the responsibility of taking care of the pet I would buy them. Also of late they have been seeing new babies born..siblings to their friends(guess 5 years is an age mark to go for the second one among desis here) and they started asking questions like why there is no baby coming to our home for which me and M would explain that its up to God to present families with a baby and so far they seem to take that message well. This morning I happen to drop them at their school since M had some early morning meetings..I think Divya had spotted a car with a dog in it sticking its head out...while I was seriously listening to the gas prices...weather and traffic on the radio she suddenly and fiercely asked me "Amma, I want a pet or a baby to play with..I'm asking for so long...can we go get it this week end" I was totally taken offgaurd and struggled hard to suppress my laughter and asked her to direct the question at her dad....

Pointy and Scratchy things

After long, long, long..time I took the kids out for the week end..M had a class and I called my friend whose daughter is of same age as the twins..it so happened that she was also looking for a way to mange her daughter that week end as her husband had an exam..so everything worked out and we planned to go for a movie and lunch afterwards. We watched KungFu Panda...and it was too good..of course its the usual kids formula but the way it was animated even made the adults sitting there to enjoy a lot..Sandhya and my friends daughter enjoyed it too well that sometimes we have to Shhhhh....them down to avoid heads turning in our direction..Divya was very quiet ..except for occasional standing up from the seat and jumping back in as the seat folded in with her in it. Later they had like 2 ice pops and a milk shake on top of that caused Sandhya to start on the soar throat episode...she was feverish and tired at the end of the day...next day morning she was grumpy and didn't want to have any breakfast, and said she had some pointy and scratchy things in her throat..:) I coudn't help laughing at the way she described ...well thats exactly the way it feels...but then will it stop her to have more ice creams..nah..since its summer a big bucket of ice cream occupies the freezer as usual and knowing that ice cream is sitting right there in the freezer she was like "Can I have just 1 scoop of ice cream .." when I warned her that she already had pointy and scratchy things she retorted back with this logic.."amma, when I eat the ice cream, since its smooth and slippery all the grems will stick to it and go to my tummy when I swallow the ice cream and will come out in my poop tomorrow and I will not have pain in my throat so you have to give ice cream.."..uhhh...ummm... "NO" this was all I could say using my granted "Amma" authority (which I use often when I don't have the patience to explain or when I just get egoistic and decide that they "have" to listen to what I say) .. I'm still scrambling to find a good answer to oppose her logic and make her agree to what I say.. which is never going to happen :)

Conversations..

Divya eyeing on the apple sauce in the hands of Sandhya..

Divya: Sandhya I think you don't like apple sauce..
Sandhya: (Panicked) Nooooo...I Love apple sauce
Divya: Then I think you don't like amma
Sandhya: Nooo, I like amma
Divya: I think you don't like appa
Sandhya: Noo, I like appa..
Divya: I think you don't like me..
Sandhya: yeah...I don't like you

......it needs a separate post to write about how Divya cried after this and wanted me to make Sandhya ask the same questions to her so that she can say she does not like Sandhya....

Spring Concert

Sandhya's class presented the spring concert yesterday. She was all excited about that...talking about the concert all the time...she has been constantly singing the songs they were going to perform(especially while sitting in the bathroom) and said all the boys were going to pretend to be donkeys and girls pretend to be birds...Me and M went to school surprisingly before it started, ready with all the gadgets. Finally the show started..Sandhya was very cheerful from the beginning and was waving her hands at us and singing ...after like few minutes other kids were too involved looking or smiling at their respective parents and so the singing waned down to a point that we could hear only the teachers singing...suddenly there was a voice "HEY Why Everybody's Not Singing.." ..from ... Sandhya...which brought out bouts of laughter from everyone sitting there ....And so she became the show stealer yesterday...Will add the video clip here soon...

At Last

Me too jumping in to the band wagon as a blogger...lets see how it goes...So...I will use this space to vent out...or just record stuff that happened ...happening in my life ...and currently it would be mostly about my twins...yeah..they are the little treasures as well as the stress of my life..